I watch The Real World.

In 1992, MTV came up with a brilliant little idea that changed American television programming as we know it: reality tv. And I loved it from the very beginning. For half an hour, I was one of seven strangers picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World became such a part of my real world that even now, as the show has evolved to something that barely resembles the original (why are there eight strangers now?And why don't they ever have jobs anymore?) …I CAN’T STOP WATCHING. A few people I’ve met have identified with this, one being Chuck Klosterman in his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:

I tend to consider myself an amateur Real World scholar. I say “amateur” because I’ve done no actual university study on this subject, but I still say “scholar” because I’ve stopped watching the show as entertainment. At this point, I only watch it in hopes of unlocking the questions that have haunted man since the dawn of civilization. I’ve seen every episode of every season, and I’ve seen them all a minimum of three times. This, of course, is the key to appreciating The Real World (and the rest of MTV’s programming): repetition. To really get it, you have to watch MTV so much that you know things you never tried to remember…One day, you just suddenly realize it’s something you know. And—somehow—there’s a cold logic to it. It’s an extension of your own life, even tghough you never tried to make it that way.

One of the things I’ve learned in all my years of Real World studying is that there’s almost always a character that doesn’t get as much screentime as the others. The casting crew clearly thought that they’d be great cast members, but once the cameras started rolling,  the other roomies proved to be much better for the storyline of the show [see: Simon in the Paris season]. We refer to these characters as “the one they never show.”

So this brings me to the current season: Washington DC. As I watched last night, I realized that I wished that six of the eight roomies were never shown. (I find Emily fascinating in the same way that early RWers were. Example: we know that she grew up in a cult, and yet she hasn't mentioned it to other housemates. Well played, Em. And also I’d like to keep Ty around just because he and Emily are interesting together.) But everyone else? Laaaaaame. And then I realized that I would have been ok if most of the Cancun housemates were “never seen.” And Hollywood too, for that matter. Is this what it means to grow up?

Nope. Because at the ripe old age of….however old I am, I’d still spend an entire Saturday watching Seattle or Miami. I still like the idea of the show, but the players now are too calculated and one-dimensional (the worst offenders this season are Andrew and Ashley). This is also the same reason why The Real World/Road Rules Challenges are so much better than the Real World nowadays: contestants get so focused on the challenge that they don't have the time or interest to play a character. There are, of course, a few rare exceptions [see: Isaac in Sydney, Ryan in Brooklyn]. And those exceptions are why I watch and will continue to watch...