Humpday Recap

Some people look forward to Christmas. Some people look forward to springtime and the end of their winter blues. Some people look forward to birthdays, anniversaries, or vacations. I have been looking forward to the end of the holiday/Olympics break and the return of television programming, which makes this past week a dream come true for me. What have I been watching? So glad you asked:

Amazing Race: The Cowboys continue to be my favorites, and I love the super-team of them and the not-so-detectives. The skeptical side of me says that the producers weren't ready to let go of the television gold made by the big brother team, which is why it wasn't an elimination round. My biggest concern, though, is what I'll do when I'm on the Race and asked to chug a boot full of beer. Do they provide Odouls for those of us with conservative upbringings and mothers that would cry at such a sight?

The Bachelor: Jason and Molly Wedding Special: First of all: enough with the two hour shows, ABC. You’re killing me! Second of all: was there not a large tent that could be rented in all of the greater Los Angeles area? Unacceptable. Molly looked like a hot mess by reception time (partly because of her awful hair and partly, I assume, because of the several cocktails she downed to try and handle her disaster of a wedding ceremony).

Kell on Earth: Kelly Cutrone continues to amaze and entertain me. Was she really buying a vibrator for her doctor’s receptionist? Because I don’t know how that conversation even starts. I love her relationship with her baby’s daddy, I love her ratty shirt that she got excited about wearing to the fashion show (I think my dad wears the same one when he rides his Harley), I love her tough love with people in her office, I love her crashing Tandrew’s date, and I love how gorg she looked at the book cover shoot.

Gossip Girl: So glad it’s back! Chuck and Blair are a delight; Serena (who seems a tad over acted…anyone else agree?) is finally making things happen with Nate; Jenny is still trying to master the world of black eyeliner, stringy extensions, and drug dealing; Vanessa was wonderfully absent; and Rufus and Lily are all sorts of dramatic. 

Chuck: Apparently the viewers of Chuck have been in an outrage lately regarding Chuck and Sarah’s other relationships. Really? I mean…really? Of COURSE they have to explore other relationships, it’s what makes the show’s storyline continue. This week was great, I’m glad Morgan is in on the whole spy business now and I am confused/interested to see what this shifty Casey business turns into. [Fun fact: Josh Schwartz, the creator of former television treasure The OC, is also the executive producer of Gossip Girl and Chuck. Well done, mon frere!]

How I Met Your Mother: It should be said that I have an enormous crush on Jason Segal (Forgetting Sarah Marshall is one of my top 10 favorite movies), as well as a small/impossible crush on Neil Patrick Harris…which make watching this show joy for me. But aside from that…a cameo from J Lo, a song from Ted, a hilarious jingle by Marshall, and closure on the Barney/Robin relationship? Great show.

90210: This is the second season of the second version of 90210, and I have to say that I like it quite a bit. Sure, it’s completely predictible—Annie is going to have to come clean about the car accident to escape drug-dealer-Jasper’s creepy obsession, Liam and Naomi are going to realize that they have no chemistry and Liam will turn to neglected more-than-a-friend Ivy, Teddy is going to realize that Dixon unfairly messed up his chance with Silver and a huge triangular fight will ensue, and Adrianna will struggle with her AA commitments (which possibly push her into a Lesbian relationship with…Rumer Willis?)—but that’s why I love this show. Was anyone ever “shocked” by Full House? No. But we watched it and we loved it anyways.

Melrose Place: It’s 90210, but all grown up. I spend 62% of the show staring at Ella’s perfect makeup, and the other 38% of the show loving what a horrible actor Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is. RIP, girlfriend.

LOST: There’s nothing to say about Lost, because I am so wrapped up in it and enjoying the ride that I don’t want to get distracted. If you’re looking for the most thorough, detailed, and awesome Lost recaps ever written, mnight I refer you to my friend Doc Jensen over at EW.com (this week’s episode here).

Millionaire Matchmaker: I love that the first five minutes of every episode are about Patty’s wedding. Will there be a 2-hour special about her wedding, too? Marriage is so hot right now. (PS: she wanted fish swimming in the flower centerpieces? SICK.)

Bad Girls Club: Do you watch this? Amazing. I am sad to see Kate self-destruct, I actually kind of liked her and I feel like she looks like a trashier version of Blake Lively. Annie is absolutely ridiculous and I am glad that everyone (um…all three of them) left to go on a roadtrip without her. But the idea to trash the house before they left? I don’t get it. I’ve never thought that intentionally making a mess sounded fun, rebellious, silly, or cute. NEVER. Can’t wait for the reunion next week! (Sidenote: brown hair on AMber is an excellent choice)

Modern Family: Heeeeey, Judy Greer with bangs……I TOLD you this show was just like Arrested Development!

Cougar Town: Catfish noodling is something that absolutely horrifies/amuses me, and that giant cat fish puppet that they decided to use made me laugh just as much as ducks made Bobby laugh. I also had LOL moments regarding the "gay trap" game and numerous jokes about Grayson's tiny eyes. And the idea of a one year old's dance recital. Hilarious.

ANTM: I hate that I watch this show. Tyra is such an narcissistic train wreck that I can’t help but watch just to see what she does next. And Andre Leon Talley….I’m so disappointed in you. You’re the creative director for Vogue….and hanging with Tyra is how you chose to moonlight? What is HAPPENING to the fashion magazine industry? First Nina Garcia (of Elle and then Marie Claire) shows up on Project Runway: respectable. Then Joe Zee from Elle shows up on The City: downgrade. And now this. What’s next, Anna Wintour on the Bad Girls Club?? I’m shocked and disappointed.

High Society: This show premiered last night, and I was actually really looking forward to it. I’ve seen Tinsley Mortimer in all sorts of magazines/newspapers/blogs for quite a while now, and I think she’s adorable. What could be better than a documentary of her glamorous life on the Upper East Side of Manhattan? It’s like a real-life Gossip Girl, right?

Nope. Who is this rag-tag group of extras that they pulled together to be in the show? PJC is a dissssssssssssaaaaaaaaaster, and not in the way that I like to watch. I did a little internet research…he’s 27. Twenty effing seven. Socialite or not, you’re WAY too old to be asking Mom for money and acting the way you are. Get ahold of yourself.  And speaking of things that one needs to get ahold of….Jules (or as I like to call her, High Society’s Stephanie Pratt) should really get ahold of a better straightener. Let’s not neglect the roots, ladies. And also, let’s not brag about the fact that we use the N word. The UN (as well as the rest of somewhat decent civilization) tends to frown upon that.

And now, Tinsley. Oh, Tinsley. Is a reality show chronicling your divorce really the best idea? Clearly ex Topper doesn’t think so, as he is blurred out. Flinging yourself on the bed to mourn the loss of your marriage didn’t make me sympathetic, it made me…uncomfortable. Although my embarrassment on your behalf quickly turned to intrigue when I noticed that your NYC weekend casual attire consisted of kelly green converse. Interesting. Interesting enough to pick up a pair for myself. So that’s one good thing I got from this show. I wanted so much more—I was hoping for a sort of wonderful Rachel Zoe Project/The City/Real Housewives hybrid. But alas….and I NEVER say this….viewers, don’t waste your time.