Lee Marvin, Derek Jeter, and Khonani

Let’s face it, people. We have all seen last week’s 30 Rock(s) because it is THE best show on television. Yes, I said it. As a guest blogger, I am allowed to make such statements. So, instead of recapping a show we all watched… maybe even more than once… let us relive some of the best moments from last week’s double feature in a segment I like to call "Quotes from Carol*."

*Carol is my nom de plume. This is really Natalie. But don’t you love the alliteration?

"Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter"

Avery: …Think: Slutty Grace Kelly
Jack: Oh, God bless you. I’m picturing it right now. And, the opposite of that just walked in.
Avery: Tell Liz I said “Hi”

Jack: Thanks, Lemon. But my true present is that equisite ensemble. You look like a prison weed dealer.

Jack: Lemon, are you wearing a cup?
Liz: Oh, I forgot: only guys can get hurt there.

Jack: Lemon, the grown-up dating world is like your haircut: sometimes awkward triangles occur.

Liz: You’re going to juggle them? No. Even you can’t pull this off, Jack. Mrs. Doubtfire shimself could not do this.

Nancy: I even got them to make you that flavor we invented.
Jack: Peanut butter and Miller High Life.

Twopher: I am about to utter two words a Harvard man never says…
Liz: I’m cool? I’m sorry. You can’t set me up like that.

Liz: How’s your episode of Three’s Company going?
Jack: Like Three’s Company, it’s titillating yet anxiety-producing. I need your help, Janet.
Liz: Ah man, being Janet sucks.

Pete: Tracy, will you call Twopher and talk some sense into him?
Tracy: Oh yah, just ask the black guy cause we all know each other. Pete, could you tell a bald eagle to stop scaring me at zoos?

Tracy: I know you’re all secretly mad because we finally have a black Disney princess.
Jenna: You know, there actually hasn’t been a white princess since 1991.
Pete: Tiana, Mulan, Pocahontas, Jasmine. Wow she’s right.

"Khonani"

Tracy: Well, I yelled Baba-Booey at Walter Cronkite’s funeral. So I actually have no idea of what’s rude or not.

Jack: Oh my: I haven’t seen your brow that furrowed since you saw that picture of Helen Mirren in a bikini.
Liz: How is that possible? Is she a wizard?

Jack: I’ve had to make some tough calls over the years… turning down Dick Cheney’s offer to be King of Iraq.

Cirie: Hey Liz, can I talk to you and Jenna in… the office where everybody clips their toenails?
Liz: Not cool, guys.

Tracy: I trained him to hate white people cause not to profile, but most ghosts are white.

Liz: I want to see the behavior that got you kicked out of the Inaugural Ball.
Tracy: I can’t, LL. First of all, the Secret Service never gave me back my t-shirt cannon...
Liz: No… you have to come. I need you! This party needs to be off the hook!
Tracy: People don’t say that anymore. They say “surf party USA.”

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, it’s Kenneth Parcell. From work. And friendship.

Liz: Do you think when I was a kid I dreamed of someday paying $1,200 for a karaoke machine to impress a bunch of pasty losers?
Jenna: And a professional singer who’s beautiful, but doesn’t know it.