Do you prefer Starbucks or The Coffee Bean?

What's this, a new post on everyone's favorite blog? Yup. 2011 is the year that TV Stalker makes its comeback, just like Jennifer Grey on Dancing with the Stars (a show which, despite numerous attempts, I've have still never watched an entire episode of). 

Let's kick off the new year with a show I swore I was through with....The Bachelor. I'm a pretty fairweather Bachelor/ette fan, but when I heard that there was an apartment of dudes down the street who were hosting viewing parties, my curiosity got the best of me.

First thing's first: woo woo for Michelle from SLC! Utah LOVES it when a local makes it on to a national show, even if they are ridiculous and an embarrassment to the state. We. Love. It. Case in point: on the local 10:00 news after The Bachelor, the big story was entitled "Utah's Bachelorette Opens Up." My bet is that we will have almost identical stories every week until she is off that show.

(this is Michelle's jazz-hand version of "fireworks." Obvi.)

On to the episode---I'd just like to point out how silly these dates are.

1. Carnival in the woods. Creepy, right? And also seriously deficient in the carnie/people watching department, which everyone knows is the real fun of carnivals. And also, when they were having a little heart to heart, I couldn't help but notice the giant sign that advertised "midget horses" right behind the lovers....nothing says romance like an animal freak show.

2. Biggest group date ever. I am still confused as to whether they were shooting a PSA or a really low budget porno. And making one girl dress up butch with a neck brace....and then sending her home?? AWFUL. Probably one of the meanest tv moves I've seen.

3. Spa/Train Date.  Did Brad have to get licensed before he could apply that mud mask? And shopping through racks of hand-me-down pageant gowns and getting primped doesn't really count as "date" time....they spent like 20 minutes together over the course of 3 hours. And for the record...Brad isn't really responsible for ANY of this, so quit pretending like he's the one who bought the dresses, planned the night, or made arrangement's with Train's tour manager. (Train?? wtf.)

Some final notes:

• I am sad that I have to go to the website now to find out everyone's ages. Everyone knows I'm obsessed with people being younger than me...
• Prediction: Cute-as-a-button Emily isn't going to win, but she will be next season's Bachelorette. Mark my words.
• Is there a pay pal account where I can send in some money to help pay for poor Keltie the Rockette to get some therapy? Listening to her sob her way off the show about how she'll always be alone was bumming me out.
• Melissa was my favorite this episode. No undereye concealer, an ill-fitting strapless dress, the arguing skills of a 12 year old...and she kept talking about the career she gave up to be on the show. A career as a waitress. 
• ...and also, Melissa is a dead ringer for Petrie from A Land Before Time.