"You need a hobby."

A lot of great things happen when you take an already successful television show and convert it to a reality show. Example 1: The OC turned into Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County (which then turned into The Hills and The City). Example 2: Desperate Housewives turned into The Real Housewives series on Bravo.

I enjoy the Real Housewives of New York City for several reasons. First of all, I can tell the difference between them, which was not always the case with those blonde hourglass gals over at the OC. I love that most of these women in NYC have actual jobs (although now that they are all “celebrities,” they each feel the need to write their own books and jewelry lines). And, not to betray my hometown location….but I just enjoy east coast snobs so much more than west coast snobs.

It’s hardly a complex plotline to follow, so I’ll just give a few of my reactions:

• These housewives are grown ass women, ages: Jill (46), Bethenny (39), Luann (44), Alex (36), Kelly (41), and Ramona (53)---who would have thought that Ramona was the oldest?? But what really gets to me is that these women are gossiping and picking teams and doing speaker-phone attacks the way I did…in middle school. Maybe I’m clueless and my mom and her friends were just better at hiding it? But then again, my mom never posed for Playboy or stood naked on a skyscraper for a PETA ad.

• Bethenny, Bethenny, Bethenny. You were my faaaaaaavorite for the first two seasons. Who didn’t love your impressions of Jill, your fights with (then) crazy Kelly, your search for prescription drugs to help you get through the child’s birthday party at Alex and Simon’s. But now you’re all on attack mode and I can’t handle it. I hate to be harsh, but….I just unfollowed you on Twitter. Sorry, girlfriend.
• I know she makes for good tv, but that Ramona is kuh-razy. Is her new haircut an improvement? Sure. Does it distrct from her crazy, black, beady eyes? Nope, not a bit. Ramona is the kind of person who always turns any discussion into an argument and refuses to even to listen to any voice besides her own. (And did anyone else hear her mispronounce "Delilah" as..."Deli...ah?" Hysterical.
• Also, Ramona’s dancing….well, can it really be considered “dancing”? I may or may not be perfecting my own Ramona impression when no one is around to see. Ah-MAZ-ing.

• I really enjoy the kids of the housewives. Ally seems like she is somewhat normal and also quite mature for her age. Victoria, the mini-countess, is absolutely gorgeous and I wish I had her eyebrows. And Avery clearly hates both of her parents (which she should), and I can’t wait to see he in a few years when she inevitably goes on a motivational speaking tour and talks to teens about succeeding in life despite the awful condidtions you were raised in.

Tune in, people. It’s a hell of a show.

One Kell of a Show

You may know Kelly Cutrone as the awesomely bitchy boss lady on The Hills and The City. In my mind, she was one of the best parts about The City and the best part of The Hills, so I was thrilled to hear that Bravo had given her a show of her very own. Kell on Earth is magnificent. Allow me to outline a few of my favorite moments this week:

• Kelly getting a sunburn at a dinner party and explaining the next day at work "I look like George Hamilton's sister, from like a really cheap beach town."
• "I told Robyn and Emily to lower the boom, but I wasn't going to do it...because I was going to a Jonas Brothers concert."Kelly left work in the midst of a double-firing to take her daughter to a Jonas brothers concert. Everything was so high stress in that office, and then Ava bounced in, Kelly took a moment to give her a "you go girl" on the outfit she was wearing, and then they were off to the tween music event of the year (but not before Andrew warned her, "There are going to be so many happy people around you at that concert.") On the way there, Kelly had a chat with her 8 year old about how the girl that just gave her Sweedish Fish was going to get fired. An excellent mix of real world and fantasy for your little KC jr, I thought.
• Andrew M. saying that he and Andrew S. weren't the same breed, because he's "really gay and really tan and bubbly and flaming," and he has tattoos of Britney Spears lyrics on his wrists (sidenote: GREAT idea). Also great was when Stephanie Skinner laughed at Andrew because his bronzer streaked when he cried. Poor little lispy fella. 

• Stephanie Vorhies firing...herself. Interesting career move, and one that I hope is explored in greater depth in mba programs as well as the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. Do you still qualify for severance/unemployment if you fire yourself? Discuss.
• "Every year, it's harder and harder to say goodbye. It's not easier. It was easier when she was two. Let's face it, when they're two it's not such a displeasure to leave the house if you're a single mom. It's like 'Oh, hotel, (?), Paris? OK Mommy loves you, goodbye!'" Finally, some honest parenting on tv. 
• The three-way conference call between coworkers in the same room (which excluded the other interns in the room)? Awesome. When can I work there?
• Ava's dad. omfg. I don't know what I was expecting, but that wasn't it. What a weirdly amazing relationship he and Kelly have. Where can I get a foreign lover who I only have to be in a relationship with when we happen to be in the same town? (Just kidding, Mom). Interesting little factoid: Kelly has been married twice before, once to Andy Warhol protege Ronnie Cutrone and once to Jeff Kober, who was the mechanic on Lost two weeks ago.
• Was Stefanie Skinner referring to Margaret Cho's role in Sex and the City as the job that she aspired to? Really? You were obsessed with the show and the one job you coveted was...Margaret Cho?
• Can I just say how much I love me some Andrew M? Loved it when he wore a floor length sequin gown with a flannel shirt to a fashion show a few episodes ago. Loved it when he said, "Is this a joke, Virginia, with your five page resume?" as he shredded her resume and added "I bet she twitters about this." Love that he is so bitchy and mellow at the same time. And love that he seems to be a good friend who legitimately cares about the well being of those he works with...except for the two ditzes that got canned.
• Finally, I would like to know where it is that I can send a few packages of undereye concealer and highlighter for all of these ladies. I know your jobs are stressful, but there are cameras around...

I love a show that is all about the hard work behind fashion instead of just the glamor that we see when the cameras are flashing (although I love that sort of a show too...which is why I own both seasons of the Rachel Zoe Project). Tune in next week when Kelly talks about her first marriage in front of her daughter (who has apparently never heard of the guy), writing her book, and Skinner has a meltdown.

Thursday Night Reality Roundup

Survivor and the Real Housewives franchise are everything I love about reality TV genres. First, you have the Real Housewives which represents a show in which the stars do nothing but live fun lives that the viewers are suppose to envy. See also: Any Real Housewives show, The Hills, The City, Keeping up with the Kardashians, etc. However, something has changed with my OC friends. I no longer envy them. I have watched this show since season 1 when I downloaded each episode on iTunes. These gals would spend money on houses and clothes like it was nothing. And I loved every second of it. But this season has featured 1 broke housewife stressing over the bill for a $50 oil change, another housewife downsizing her house because they cannot afford their generic, tract home and still another housewife being served an eviction notice for not paying the $10,000 deposit on their rented house. First off, if you are RENTING a house, you don't belong on this type of reality tv. No exceptions. Second, if I was into watching people struggle financially, I would turn on the news. Thankfully, the season has at max 2 episodes left before the reunion (which is usually the only reason I watch a season) so I won't give up on these gals yet.


Survivor represents the other type of reality shows I love: competition without judges. See also: Amazing Race, Toddlers & Tiaras, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, etc. The contestants on these shows rely on their skills (survival, traveling, applying makeup to a 9 month old child, being skinny and tan...) which makes this type of reality the perfect ying to the Real Housewives-style reality yang.

As this season of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains is only 2 episodes in, here are my hopes for the season:

1. Russell wins the entire competition because he was ROBBED last season. The jury was a bunch of babies.

2. This little sho-mance between Jerri and Coach continues for the entire season.

3. Tyson goes home ASAP. I have never disliked a survivior more. And he's from Utah.

4. Let 3rd time be the charm for Amanda. She has played Survivor for more days than any other contestant...ever!