Party Like It's 1999

I am a proud member of the MTV generation, and I always look forward to MTV's two big award nights: The MTV Movie Awards and the Video Music Awards. The Movie Awards are typically less scandalous, but they are always full of celebrities and interesting moments to discuss around the water cooler on Monday morning. (That phrase is just a metaphor, right? Does anyone actually have water cooler discussions?)

I'm hesitant to discuss the awards, because for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I didn't "get" MTV. Is this what the kids are really into? If I were a social anthropologist watching a recording of the awards show at some point in the future, I would think that the youth of America in 2010 cared about two things only: f-bombs and Twilight. Not that I'm offended by swearing, but it seemed so forced and ridiculous. It reminded me of Meggan circa middle school, who felt it necessary to swear in front of her friends just to let them know how cool and grown up she was. (Ironically, now I swear so people think I'm young and hip). But all that swearing with a young Jaden Smith was in the audience? Marky Mark should be ashamed.

I'm not even going to discuss Twilight because I know that I'm in the minority for not being obsessed with it. So I'll defer to bff Alan, with whom I discussed this with via gchat:

But honestly....those kids were everywhere-- presenting, winning, being featured in candid crowd shots. All I'm saying is I could have done with a little less Kristen Stewart (could she be more awkward) and a bit more Justin Bieber.

Speaking of featured celebrities--  I feel like MTV was trying to stage a comeback for anyone who was at their peak in the mid to late nineties. Tom Cruise hasn't been cool since Top Gun. He was mildly entertaining when he put on a fat suit and danced to hip hop, but that character was from Tropic Thunder, which came out two years ago. Couldn't we have found something more current? I know J Lo has been trying to come back, but I do believe that her career high point was Waiting for Tonight, which was released in 1999.

Sandra Bullock won the MTV Generation Award, and even though she looked the bomb and we're all Team Sandy these days....she really was at her prime around the Speed (1994)/While You Were Sleeping(1995) era? I mean....I owned both of those on vhs, if that says anything. Yes she won an Oscar this year...but since when has MTV cared about that? And then there was Christina Aguilera. "Xtina," as she is apparently still calling herself. Homegirl is a 30 year old wife and mother these days....way too old to be dancing around with a light up heart on her crotch and the words "woohoo" on the screen (although I'd love to get my hands on a woohoo graphic for my living room). Let's leave these sort of performances to Gaga, shall we?
Sidenote1: Don't google the lyrics to the song Woohoo. 
Sidenote2: Yes I am aware of my double standard. Britney could do the same thing and I'd be cheering her on from the front row. But I also cheered her on during this.

Anyway, apparently the 90s are back.

Reality Competition Round Up

1. The Amazing Race
I can't even talk about the finale of The Amazing Race without getting emotional. All I will say is that the producers CLEARLY aren't determining the winners (like they do in American Idol that show I don't talk about), because I don't think a single person in America wasn't rooting for those cowboys to go home with the grand prize.

2. Survivor
I've been a Russell fan mostly because I like to like the villain, but also because I thought he was actually there to play the game. But by the end of the season, I felt pretty strongly that Parvati should have won (and not just because she's older than me, which makes me feel good about myself). Parvs, as I like to call her, was clever as a fox and played everyone in that game. And I just really, really don't like Sandra (although she looked a thousand times better all dolled up in the finale. And Parvster....actually may have looked better on the island.).

3. Project Runway, ANTM
Time for honesty. I didn't watch the finales of either of these. I was so over both of them that I deleted them off of my dvr and just went online to see who won.

4. Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II
As long as we're being honest...this is probably one of my top ten favorite shows on tv. I can't get enough of the silly challenges, the drunken fights, the sloppy romances, and all of the alliances and backstabbing. And I've had a crush on Kenny, aka Mr Beautiful, since day one (to clarify: a crush in the same way that I love Pauly D and The Situation, not a real crush), and I love seeing him be the king of the Challenge. Also, I'd just like to say that seeing Wes break down during exile this last week was one of the most shocking moments ever seen. (We all understand sarcastic hyperbole around here, right? Because clearly tv's most shocking moments are all Britney Spears-related.)

5. Celebrity Apprentice 2
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: two hours is a ridiculous amount of time to spend on a single show every week. BUt I'm proud as punch of my bff Bret, who has survived every board room as well as a brain hemorrhage (and just in time to come visit me in Wendover on July 30. Don't even think about trying to get backstage before me).

6. Top Chef Masters
This show doesn't really feel the same without Padma (who I like to think was named after Natalie Portman in Star Wars). I've been watching this half-heartedly, but my full attention will return in a few weeks for the premiere of Top Chef: DC. And since he never checks this blog anymore, I feel like I can disclose the fact that Steven dreams about Tom Colicchio.

I watch The Real World.

In 1992, MTV came up with a brilliant little idea that changed American television programming as we know it: reality tv. And I loved it from the very beginning. For half an hour, I was one of seven strangers picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World became such a part of my real world that even now, as the show has evolved to something that barely resembles the original (why are there eight strangers now?And why don't they ever have jobs anymore?) …I CAN’T STOP WATCHING. A few people I’ve met have identified with this, one being Chuck Klosterman in his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:

I tend to consider myself an amateur Real World scholar. I say “amateur” because I’ve done no actual university study on this subject, but I still say “scholar” because I’ve stopped watching the show as entertainment. At this point, I only watch it in hopes of unlocking the questions that have haunted man since the dawn of civilization. I’ve seen every episode of every season, and I’ve seen them all a minimum of three times. This, of course, is the key to appreciating The Real World (and the rest of MTV’s programming): repetition. To really get it, you have to watch MTV so much that you know things you never tried to remember…One day, you just suddenly realize it’s something you know. And—somehow—there’s a cold logic to it. It’s an extension of your own life, even tghough you never tried to make it that way.

One of the things I’ve learned in all my years of Real World studying is that there’s almost always a character that doesn’t get as much screentime as the others. The casting crew clearly thought that they’d be great cast members, but once the cameras started rolling,  the other roomies proved to be much better for the storyline of the show [see: Simon in the Paris season]. We refer to these characters as “the one they never show.”

So this brings me to the current season: Washington DC. As I watched last night, I realized that I wished that six of the eight roomies were never shown. (I find Emily fascinating in the same way that early RWers were. Example: we know that she grew up in a cult, and yet she hasn't mentioned it to other housemates. Well played, Em. And also I’d like to keep Ty around just because he and Emily are interesting together.) But everyone else? Laaaaaame. And then I realized that I would have been ok if most of the Cancun housemates were “never seen.” And Hollywood too, for that matter. Is this what it means to grow up?

Nope. Because at the ripe old age of….however old I am, I’d still spend an entire Saturday watching Seattle or Miami. I still like the idea of the show, but the players now are too calculated and one-dimensional (the worst offenders this season are Andrew and Ashley). This is also the same reason why The Real World/Road Rules Challenges are so much better than the Real World nowadays: contestants get so focused on the challenge that they don't have the time or interest to play a character. There are, of course, a few rare exceptions [see: Isaac in Sydney, Ryan in Brooklyn]. And those exceptions are why I watch and will continue to watch...