"The closest thing to a musical instrument we play is a radio."

Many things have happened on the Amazing Race since I last blogged:

• The detectives u-turned the Asian couple and made them do the hardest task ever. Note to self: brush up on morse code skills before I go on the Race. 
• Caite and Bret, America's Sweethearts, bickered and yelled at each other while they looked for grapes and tried to build a tower of champagne glasses.
• The teams flew to Seychelles, which no one could pronounce. Did no one else wear the chunky platform sandals of the same name that were all the rage in 1995-2002? I would have been great at that part. I had a heart attack when Steve and Allie decided to leave their backpacks behind and continue the race with only the clothes on their backs and their fanny packs, and then I had another heart attack when I thought that my cowboys were going to get eliminated. 

This is how we manage to watch tv shows "together" from 1200 miles apart

• Jet and Cord somehow managed to be the last to start, complete a speed bump, and finish in first. Their prize? A sexy trip for two to Maui. Why do these guys always get the weirdest prizes?
• The detectives offered Steve and Allie some extra clothes to help them along the rest of the race. The detectives referred to Brent and Caite as their wolf cubs. How lovable are these two goons??
• Next Stop: Singapore, where the streets sparkle like Disneyland and the street vendors sell ice cream sandwiches on pieces of white bread. Caite proved to be an excellent drummer/dancer, giving them the chance to get to the u-turn first and send Carol and Brandy back for round two. You know what? Good riddance. I've never seen two grown-ups act so ridiculous. Even if the models are "stupid"....they did well enough to beat you. How embarrassing. 

"I'll tell you what, the cowboys are the most magical people ever"

There really isn't a good reason not to watch this show. If I could be on one reality show, it would be the Amazing Race. The only things holding me back are selecting a team member who takes it as seriously as I do and manages not to annoy me, and coming up with a clever "title" to go under our names. I am convinced that the title is key... not necessarily to winning, but definitely to getting more screen time (which, in my mind, is just as good if not better than actually winning). On to the remaining contestants:

Brent & Caite: The Amazing Race is one of my favorite shows, so I was excited for the new season anyway....but then I found out that THIS little gem would be competing and my excitement rose to a whole new level. 

Where do I begin? I love that this team's description is "dating models." Not dating, but dating models. I love the blank stares and tepid chuckles in their interviews. I love/hate/love to hate that ridiculous sparkly headband that "Caite" (as though shortening her name would conceal her identity) insists on wearing on every episode. I love that she pronounced "adoration" like it rhymes with....a controversial medical procedure. I love that Caite hocked a big ole lugey when they were waiting on the farm challenge. And I love that they have teamed up with their intellectual equals...

Jordan & Jeff: I've never watched Big Brother, but seeing these two makes me think I really should start. What is the most puzzling about this couple is that they aren't both clueless (like B&C), but that Jeff spends the entire episode making fun of Jordan. Hopefully this makes for a big, public fight some time soon. Also, the title "newly dating" confuses me-- they would have had to turn in their applications like 6 months before the show filmed, so by this point are they really newly dating? Also, putting that on your application seems like a risky move to me...I want to see a couple that is together when they apply, and then breaks up right before the show but decides to go anyways. It would be just like watching my Junior Prom, only with airplanes and backpacks. 

 

Jet & Cord: Favorite team. So many great comments this episode: "Where I come from, it's an honor to wear this hat. If I don't feel comfortable wearing a hat somewhere, I don't know that I want to go." and "I'm just hoping we don't have to go swimming, I didn't bring any trunks" (you brought a rain cover for your hat but no swimsuit? huh) and when they were talking about snuggling down in the car while they waited for the trail to open, one said, "Snuggle? Well, snuggle might be a stretch..." And I think I heard the phrase "Oh my gravy" at least twice. And did you catch what they won for finishing first? Sailboats. Just...sailboats. Are these of the toy variety, or are we talking like full sized schooners? Because everyone knows that professional bull riders love sailboats.

Louie & Michael: Did you see the Soup this week? Being a huge (and I mean HUGE) fan of muppets, and I can say that Mike's voice would be PERFECT for a new character. I love them calling each other baby. But the fact that they drove right past the huge Bellavista sign makes me wonder....aren't they detectives? What sort of detective skills make you miss a huge sign? I hope they are either a)contractually guaranteed their jobs when they return, or b)retired. Because that seems like a career deal-breaker to me.

Jody & Shannon: I love that she referred to Shannon as her favorite grandchild, but Grandma's positivity was so unrelenting that it would totally get on my nerves after a while.  And just as I thought that, she got kicked in the head by a cow and I felt guilty. I was also perplexed by the censoring of the cows' bathroom habits-- why did they keep showing it if they are just going to blur it out? We're still paying for that stupid Super Bowl malfunction...

Carol & Brandy: How dare they be mean to little Caitlin Upton? And then in the clips from next week, they interrogate my other favorite team, the cowboys? OVER them.

Joe & Heidi: I'm all for strategic alliances, but that whole cutting in line move was just silly. Alliance does not mean "super seat savers."

Dan & Jordan: Honestly, these two need to leave the show pronto. And for all reality show contestants past, present, and future: if you don't know how to drive a stick shift, take a Saturday afternoon and have a friend teach you...BEFORE you go on the show. Common sense, folks.

Monique & Shawne and Steve & Allie: Oh. Forgot they were on the show.

Thursday Night Reality Roundup

Survivor and the Real Housewives franchise are everything I love about reality TV genres. First, you have the Real Housewives which represents a show in which the stars do nothing but live fun lives that the viewers are suppose to envy. See also: Any Real Housewives show, The Hills, The City, Keeping up with the Kardashians, etc. However, something has changed with my OC friends. I no longer envy them. I have watched this show since season 1 when I downloaded each episode on iTunes. These gals would spend money on houses and clothes like it was nothing. And I loved every second of it. But this season has featured 1 broke housewife stressing over the bill for a $50 oil change, another housewife downsizing her house because they cannot afford their generic, tract home and still another housewife being served an eviction notice for not paying the $10,000 deposit on their rented house. First off, if you are RENTING a house, you don't belong on this type of reality tv. No exceptions. Second, if I was into watching people struggle financially, I would turn on the news. Thankfully, the season has at max 2 episodes left before the reunion (which is usually the only reason I watch a season) so I won't give up on these gals yet.


Survivor represents the other type of reality shows I love: competition without judges. See also: Amazing Race, Toddlers & Tiaras, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, etc. The contestants on these shows rely on their skills (survival, traveling, applying makeup to a 9 month old child, being skinny and tan...) which makes this type of reality the perfect ying to the Real Housewives-style reality yang.

As this season of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains is only 2 episodes in, here are my hopes for the season:

1. Russell wins the entire competition because he was ROBBED last season. The jury was a bunch of babies.

2. This little sho-mance between Jerri and Coach continues for the entire season.

3. Tyson goes home ASAP. I have never disliked a survivior more. And he's from Utah.

4. Let 3rd time be the charm for Amanda. She has played Survivor for more days than any other contestant...ever!